jokes

=**JOKES and QUIZZES**=


 * GRANDPARENTS' ANSWERING MACHINE**


 * Hello. . .at present we are not available.** *


 * Please leave a message after the beep.** *


 * beeeeeppp ...** *


 * If you are one of our children, press 1***


 * If you need us to stay with the children, press 2***


 * If you want to borrow the car, press 3** *


 * If you want us to wash your clothes and do ironing, press 4** *


 * If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5** *


 * If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6 start***


 * If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or** *


 * to have it delivered to your home, press 7** *


 * If you want to come to eat here, press 8** *


 * If you need money, press 9** *


 * If you are going to invite us to dinner,** *


 * or take us to the theatre** *


 * - start talking -***


 * we are both listening ! ! ! !** *

=** What you are about to read is an all time classic quiz. Don't worry if you can't get any of the answers right. It's good fun! **=


 * 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last ?
 * 2) Which country makes Panama hats ?
 * 3) From which animal do we get catgut ?
 * 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?
 * 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ?
 * 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal ?
 * 7) What was King George VI's first name ?
 * 8) What color is a purple finch ?
 * 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ?

** Answers to the Quiz **
> 116 years > Ecuador > Sheep and Horses > November > Squirrel fur > Dogs > Albert > Crimson > New Zealand
 * 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
 * 1) Which country makes Panama hats?
 * 1) From which animal do we get cat gut?
 * 1) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
 * 1) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
 * 1) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
 * 1) What was King George VI's first name?
 * 1) What color is a purple finch?
 * 1) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

=Dimitra =

the first 3 years of marriage:

 * in the first year of marriage,the man speaks and the woman listens.
 * in the second year,the woman speaks and the man listens.
 * in the third year,they both speaks and the neighbors listen.

A man was talking to God.
===The man: God,how long is a million years? ===

God: To me it's about a minute.
===The man:  God,how much is a million dollars? ===

God: wait a minute!!!!

 * // __These are some examples of English black humor. Enjoy!__ //**

What is the longest word in the English language? SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!"

Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map. Maria: This is it. Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America? Class: Maria did.

A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink. "Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink." The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman. "Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."

A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.


 * //__ Men __//**


 * 1st Eskimo: Where did your mother come from?**


 * 2nd Eskimo: Alaska**

//__1st Eskimo: Don't bother, I'll ask her myself!__//

**What kind of ears does an engine have? Engineers**

**The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how stupid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband. He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?" "There," said the wife, "didn't I tell you he was stupid?" fay**


 * What's the definition of a pessimist? A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing." //** Helen **//
 * An English teacher wrote these words on the white board: "woman without her man is nothing". The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.

> ===He looks up in the sky and says, "Is that the sun or the moon?"=== > ===The other drunk man answers, "I don't know. I'm a stranger here myself."=== > ===Student: I is the...=== > ===Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".=== > ===Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.===
 * ===A very drunk man comes out of the bar and sees another very drunk man.===
 * ===Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".===
 * ===Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".===
 * ===Two cows are standing in a field.One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?" The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"===
 * ===**A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?** **B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.** **A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.** **B: I'm not. I'm her mother.**** __Στέφανος__ ** ===